It’s the night before we go to Saltspring. We have had a busy week, we think we are as prepared as we can be (as prepared as we have room for anyway) Tomorrow is the day. Tick, Tick, Tick; as I lie in bed and watch the clock.
I am a confident person (most of the time) but as I lie here in bed my tummy turns over with nerves.
Nervous excitement or just nervousness I can’t be sure. But my tummy is rolling.
I stand up in front of lots of people and talk, lead and share. But every time I do it, my tummy rolls and the nerves hit. It doesn’t stop me from doing it, but it does cause me to break a sweat.
I feel like we have a lot on the line with this move. Will the kids settle? We will be able to “make a living”? Find a home? Find friends? We will be able to hack it? Is it right for us, wrong for us? What size was the master bedroom in our rental again? Will our bed fit?
I like questions that can be answered. I like to be productive and be working towards a goal. A vast empty space of a future in front of me is overwhelming and stressful.
A huge fall, or a giant leap? I wish I knew.
So I toss and turn in bed. Alarm goes off at 6am and we are on the early ferry out of here. Stepping into the abyss, all the unknowns ahead.
Toss, turn, toss, turn.
I feel like it is the first day of school, all the doubts about ourselves rear up…
Toss turn, toss, turn.
At some point I fall asleep. The alarm goes off, hubby is already up. He is sitting on the bed in the dark, fully dressed. He tells me he couldn’t sleep, he was too excited.
I drag my tired body, and over charged mind out of bed. My feet hit the floor and I am as ready as I will ever be.
Because this is it….