You may not have notice, but I haven’t written a lot lately. Not “from the heart” kind of words. I have been stifled, scared, confused and carrying the biggest USA Election hangover I have ever felt.
I spent most of that first week terrified to be honest. And utterly confused. Fear was running my day, even though in my privileged life the odds of things touching me directly is quite slim.
But the stories did touch me, each time I turned on my computer. For a few days I deleted my social apps off my mobile device so they weren’t accessible, and I wasn’t drawn into the network of fear.
And this was all a very big deal, but closer to home, something far less “impactful” was happening, so whether I turned on tech, or stepped outside to escape it, everything seemed hopeless.
The last month on the “home front” has been a sad place. We have been the Open All Day buffet for a hungry bird of prey (hawk maybe?) who has been gorging himself on our dear birds.
Each time we went outside there would be a headless chicken waiting for us… one little escapee who couldn’t rush into the bushes fast enough.
Now I am all for nature taking it’s course, but this wasn’t the circle of life, this was gluttony.
Turn on the computer, and witness hatred, fear and pain.
Turn off the computer, and experience sadness and violence.
Life became pretty crappy there for a bit.
(and because I am aware that losing a few chickens is NOT a big deal in the great big world of things, I will say it again. I KNOW. Chickens!! but, death is death, is death, is death)
Every little moment seemed to amplify this feeling of no hope. No lights at the end of tunnels, no escape hatches to pull. We stopped looking at the news. We just didn’t want MORE.
And we worked on what we could work on.
We covered over our chicken coop, making it hawk resistant. We kept our terrified birds enclosed until they had the confidence to leave the coop the again. We worked on building additional cover for our goats from the rain, and spent time in the garden.
We worked on our work, and spent time with our family, and played on our farm. We took care of what we could take care of.
And slowly, we are finding our words again, although they are still slow to come out, but eventually they will get there.