She said “You tried”
I tried, yes I did try. I tried to be at home with the kids, but in the end, my cupcakes got too pretty, my cakes to elaborate and the kids birthdays, too well planned.
I tried, but I got bored. And lonely, and isolated.
Now, baby #3 is 3yrs (and a few months) and I am running my final business (oh lordy, I so hope it is the last one) and I am no longer bored.
But nor would I consider myself an “at home mom” anymore either.
And the funny thing . . . even up to last spring, balancing two businesses, I was still considering myself, thinking of, and describing myself as a “Stay at home mom” There was something in my brain that hadn’t yet let go of that. I hadn’t moved on from that role, even though I hadn’t really been in it for years.
Now I embrace the projects on my plate. And I cherish the moments I have to focus on them.
Not only have I learned how to work over the last two years, but I have also learned how NOT to work. I have also learned more about how to parent, and how to let others parent in my absence. And with that learning, came accepting that as well.
I don’t miss a cupcake day at the school . . . at least I haven’t yet, but I am also not ignoring the kids to take business calls. Everything is slowly fitting into it’s place, and finding it’s time.
And, secretly, deep inside of me, I am hoping work grows.
I am hoping it grows so much I can give it another day. I feel here that I should apologize for that, but I won’t.
I think for the first time, I love the mix and balance of what I am doing. For the first time, ever.
And I think it is about bloody time.