Today I am 42. And that’s just fine, which is weird.
For years I have been fighting getting older. With each approaching birthday I would fall into a bit of a depression, sadness, fear, and worry overtaking me. I didn’t want to age. Or to get older. I felt as if I was sliding too quickly towards the “END”.
But, this year it is different.
To say it has been a pivotal year is to minimize what I experienced in the past 12 months, although nothing extraordinary really occurred. You could say that my 41st year was a formative one.
So, as I happily walk into 42 I am feeling pretty good. I no longer doubt my place in the world. I don’t question where I am, or what I do, but nor do I feel I know everything I need to know.
I, finally, feel like I might be a grown up.
I feel like I can make the hard decisions in my life. I can say yes, but more importantly I can say no.
I don’t worry so much about what I look like, or in adopting others styles. I feel that my style is me.. uniquely me, and it is just fine thank-you-very-much.
I don’t worry so much about what people think about me. I make mistakes, I do great things. I am wonderful and terrible all mixed up together and people love me, or they don’t. And that’s ok.
I don’t worry so much about liking everyone else either. I know I don’t always have to be friends with everyone, but I can be kind, to myself and to them. I know its ok to let go, or to hold on. Either way… it works.
I don’t worry so much about money, or proving myself. I don’t have fear about the future, I don’t doubt myself, or worry about making a wrong move. I know I WILL make wrong moves, but I also have the smarts to correct them.
I have grown accustomed to my aging. I see my wrinkles, and my grey and I am okay with it. I get new surprises with my physical aging every day (it’s almost exciting haha, not really)
Instead of trying to be smart, I just am smart. Smart with my time. Smart with my work. Smart with my people. Instead of trying to build a business, I am just building it. Instead of trying to look for challenges, I create them.
I am happy to be turning 42 this year. It is a good number, and a nice looking one, and I will embrace it.